Breastfeeding Revisited
So I know this is random and something that seems long past, but I have been thinking about this post for some time and decided to just start writing and see where it goes...I think the last (and only) time on here that I talked about breastfeeding was back when Henry was 6 weeks old and I was in the middle of all the issues I was having with it and making the decision to stop. Luckily, I didn't end up having to have surgery on my infection, but the doctor did have to drain it again and I still think that entire ordeal was more painful than actually giving birth. At that point I did make the decision to put Henry on formula and he's done great. He is happy and healthy and I don't think he is any worse for the wear for being on it. I am glad that I made the decision and think it really was best for all of us given the circumstances. I don't have any real regrets about it at all.
However, I still think about it all a lot. In the back of my mind I know that when the time comes for us to have another babe, I will have to make the decision whether I even want to try to breastfeed. The doctor told me that there was a high likelihood that I will have the same trouble again. Knowing that, it seems like it should be a simple decision. I know that formula-fed babies are just fine (Henry is proof!) and it would save me the risk of any trouble...
BUT, there is something in me that just can't make the decision definitively yet. I guess part of it is because I don't have to, but part of it is because I still know that breastfeeding has a lot of benefits and really is good for the baby. Henry only got 6 weeks of breast milk, but still...it was something. Even now, when I am with a group of moms and the conversation turns to breastfeeding, I feel a twinge. It doesn't matter whether or not they even know that Henry's formula fed, a part of me feels like I'd have to explain if it came up...which is ridiculous. Luckily, I have a supportive husband and doctor and great friends and family who never once questioned my decision. But, you read so much about the benefits of breastfeeding, and how it is the best for the baby, and how in other countries the rates of women who successfully breastfeed are so much higher than in the US, and it just makes you wonder if you've done something wrong or could have done something more.
Honestly, I truly feel that you have to do what is best for you and your family and that we are lucky to live in a time where we even have an alternate option. I think that breastfeeding works well for some moms and babies and for others it just isn't possible. And that is ok. Like I said, I do not think Henry has suffered one day because he is formula-fed. And it is very likely that any other children I have will be on formula. There are just these sneaky little feelings that creep into the back of my mind sometimes. Maybe I read too much? I do get angry when I read blogs and "news" articles that insinuate that moms who don't breastfeed gave up too easily or didn't do all they could. There are many, many reasons that a woman might choose formula, and I don't think any of them are bad. A healthy and happy babe is the goal of all of it, isn't it? As long as that is happening, we are on the right track.
Still, despite truly believing all of that, in the back of my mind I wonder if I it is something that I should try again with Henry's future brothers or sisters . Every pregnancy and child is different. Couldn't the same be true for breastfeeding experiences? Who knows? Luckily, I don't have to make the decision any time soon...and maybe as more time passes it will be easier to step back from it all and my decision will be clear. It is emotional though and one of those things that, like pregnancy, is completely natural, but so weird and complicated. At this point, all I know is that I love our babe more than words. Matt and I are beyond blessed by him, and I wouldn't change one thing about the last 8 months. Time will tell what happens. My conviction one way or the other may grow, but regardless, my goal will stay the same: to give my babe all of me and anything I can; to keep him healthy and happy and to make him feel safe and loved beyond measure. In the end, this is what is really important, right?
 |
| Mom, I am just fine. Quit worrying so much. |
Post a Comment