Nothing's Changed, Yet Everything's Changed
Nothing's changed, yet everything's changed. That's how I keep describing how I feel to Matt. It's like because nobody else knows about this big secret, and I don't really feel any different, nothing has changed. However, we have this HUGE SECRET and if things work out as we hope, everything will change and already has begun to change! It is such a weird place to be. I almost forget most days that I am pregnant. But then I remember...and then I freak out a little...and then I am so happy. But so nervous too. That is why I am going ahead and writing these blogs, even though I won't publish them until later. I want to remember how all of this feels. Matt and I will never experience this for the very first time again.It is so nervewracking for me at the moment. I want to make sure I am eating and not eating the right things. I want to make sure I am not doing any single thing that might put this little apple seed in danger. But then I am also trying so hard not to worry all the time, because that can't be good either, right? So I am glad for the distraction of Memorial Day, and our anniversary. Memorial Day was great at BHI. We enjoyed lots of sun and sand. I do think Matt's mom and dad became a little suspicious that something was going on when I continued to refuse a glass of wine at dinner, but I didn't know what else to do. And I don't think they realize that I am actually pregnant, I think they just think we are starting to try. Matt even mentioned to his dad one night that we have "things in the works" when his dad asked. So I really don't think they know more than that. And hopefully, they'll still be surprised when we get to tell them. But we'll worry about that when we get there.
We're headed to Blowing Rock this weekend to celebrate our 4th anniversary! It is hard to believe it has been four years since we got married in the middle of a hurricane. It has been an extraordinary time and I am so thankful for Matt and our marriage. In the course of four years Matt has graduated from law school, studied and passed the bar exam, gotten his first job as a "real" attorney, we've moved three times, bought a house, bought a car, welcomed our nieces into the world, I've had two jobs, gone back to school and finished my coursework for my elementary education teaching liscensure, and we've gotten a puppy. And now, just shy of our four year anniversary, we're celebrating our first pregnancy. Pretty crazy stuff. But so many blessings to celebrate.
I know I am going to be eating these words, but I really am ready to feel queasy...or have a heightened sense of smell....or something. I'd feel so much better just having that affirmation...even if it means I'll truly feel so much worse. In time, I suppose. Plus, who wishes to be sick? I know, I'm bizarre. I'm just looking for a little more affirmation right now. Anyways, the test yesterday was very clearly positive, so I know we are still on our way. Now, I suppose I should call the doctor and schedule that first appointment, right? Whew. I am going to have to get up some nerves to do that! Eek!!
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