Basket Case

Kim

Basket Case

So they say that with pregnancy comes crazy hormones.  They certainly weren't kidding.  I have turned into a bit of a basket case.  It is so annoying, but it is like PMS x1,000,000.  This morning I was trying to explain to Matt that I really was ok and nothing in particular was bothering me, but it was a hard case to make considering I couldn't stop crying the whole time.  It doesn't help things that I am pretty much queasy all the time now too. Eating doesn't really help anymore. The good thing is, food doesn't make me nauseous, so I can eat just fine.  I just feel constantly queasy.  I know a few posts back, I begged for this, and I am not complaining.  Plus, I haven't actually thrown up still, so I will take that.  It's just I generally don't feel good.  So it's frustrating.  And I am tired, so I don't feel like doing anything...eating and sleeping and feeling queasy just doesn't make things that fun.  Then you add spontaneous crying and weird moodiness on top of it all and you really have a recipe for a super fun Kim.  But it is all worth it.  I would go through things a million times for our little babe, if I had to.  Doesn't mean I love it, but I do understand the worth and value in it. 

I started this blog because I want to remember every day of this whole experience, including those that are less than fun.  This is the only time in my life that I am going to be pregnant for the first time, and I want to record it all...the good, the bad and the ugly.  Also, writing has always been cathartic for me, so really it is only logical that I write now.  Matt and I have decided (I think), to wait until after our next doctor's appointment (July 13) to tell everyone.  While it would be fun to tell everyone on July 4, I think this is probably a good idea.  We'll get to see the babe again and know that it is growing.  And I'll be 10 weeks at that point.  I feel good about that.  It is hard not being able to tell anyone though.  At one point today, during my hormone-induced crying spell, Matt suggested that I go ahead and call my sister and tell her so that I could talk to someone about it all.  It's a really good suggestion.  And I told him I'd think about it.  But I really do want to hold out and tell everyone at the same time.  I know she'd keep the secret.  But we'll see.  If I get to the point where I really need to, I certainly will.  Matt is wonderful to talk to, but he just can't understand the hormonal side of things...and the constant queasiness.  He tries and is fantastic...doing anything he can to make me feel better.  He just can't understand what it feels like.  I think only another woman who has been through a pregnancy can.  As with so many things in my life, I am learning how so many of my preconceived notions about something are wrong.  I'm so ready for this to be public knowledge, and to have a bump and to really "be pregnant," even though of course, right now I am as pregnant as I am going to be!  I feel a bit like I've been on the 6 week - 7 week treadmill for the past two weeks.  I thought when we went to the doctor last week that I was almost done with my 7th week, and instead found out I was in my 6th.  So I've done the 6th and am now starting the 7th week all over again.  I'll be glad to move on to a new number.  Although 7 has always had a special significance in my life, so I suppose it's only appropriate to get "stuck" around that week. 

Really all that matters through this is that the babe is getting what it needs from me and growing stronger every day.  That is our constant prayer and hope.  Hormones be damned!